Grace's Saturnian Journey - A New Path

As Grace drew away from the affair with the instructor in Montreal, Saturn had by this time moved to trine her natal Moon, perhaps making her efforts to cope with the cosmic taskmaster less hectic and more stable. After a period of several months on her own, during which she had much time to think about what she wanted in a partner, she met the man we have mentioned whom she eventually married, and the chemistry between them was very good right from the start. So began several high-powered years in Ottawa, as her husband's work as a political consultant soon thrust her into the midst of the inner political and governmental circle surrounding the prime minister.

Though the upward surge in Grace's life and career may have fulfilled the positive side of Saturn, it served to aid her to remain unaware for a time of what negative complexes she had come to her Saturn Descendant line to face. However, she was reminded with full force at a time when transiting Pluto was approaching a conjunction to her natal Saturn, in February 1990 The Metonic cycle, which marks the repetition of the phases of the Moon in the same degree and sign every nineteen years, began to bring Grace full circle on February 9 , when, at the time of the "same" lunar eclipse that had triggered her parents' divorce, Grace experienced something new in her life a panic attack. Long ago and far away, as her mother had carried on her affair, her anxious daughter would sit reading and trying to stay awake in the living-room, worrying and waiting for her mother to return. Every time a car would drive by her home in the early morning hours, it would startle Grace awake. Nineteen years later, the sound of a car driving by her home in the night would once again set her heart racing, and a torrent of seemingly irrational fears would cloud her mind. After the first attack, others followed, and over a year of various kinds of treatment, nothing could end the attacks. For, locked in the critical degree of the lunar eclipse, was the memory of mother and father Sun and Moon the primal eclipse in her young life.

Finally, in January 1991 when both a solar eclipse and transiting Saturn touched her natal Jupiter-Uranus conjunction in the 4th house (Saturn was conjunct her Sun and opposing her natal Jupiter-Uranus), Grace suddenly realized the connection between her attacks and the painful feelings of many years ago. Awakening Saturn from its long slumber, Grace began to deal with the unresolved feelings from her parents' divorce. First and foremost she decided that her long stay (extended by circumstances to six years) on her Saturn Descendant line should now be over and that it was time to move back to where she would really like to be, on the west coast. That summer, as an eclipse exactly contacted her natal IC, she and her husband moved to Vancouver. This done, she still faced a struggle with those long-suppressed emotions, and as she moved deeper into her old feelings over the next few months, she became more and mom depressed and exhausted. Finally, in the spring of 1991, as transiting Pluto squared her Moon/Pluto midpoint, as transiting Uranus-Neptune conjunction began to conjoin her Midheaven, she wrote a long letter addressed to her parents, which she also sent to her siblings, confronting them with her feelings and trying to open up a dialogue, even though her parents had not spoken to each other since the divorce many years before. Her plea that they try to establish some open communication with each other, at least for the sake of their children, simply resulted in her father distancing himself further from her than he had done already.

Through the next two years, she continued to work on her own problems related to this widening of the gap between herself and her father and to the realization that he and her mother might never again speak to each other. After a series of eclipses from late 1993 through to early 1994 leaned heavily on her 7th-house planets, Venus and Saturn, she accepted the fact that there was no way to heal the past with her family's cooperation, and thus it was time to move on by processing it in full by herself. Perhaps the last item on the agenda for Saturn's emergence was her understanding that her partnerships had been guided in part by the fear of becoming dependent in the way her mother had, something which had led her either to forgo relationships she might have had, to get involved only with men who were of lesser status and earning power or, as in her marriage, to keep a strict sense of financial separation and independence that made her feel comfortable. Grace began to realize that, in pursuing this course, her efforts to keep financial entanglements at a minimum meant she was free to exit the partnership at any time without fetters a somewhat noncommittal, even fearful, approach to her most important relationships.

Oddly enough, by pursuing this course, in a sense she had ended up just where she did not want to be. Despite the many good things about her marriage, her partner in fact (and in part with her unwitting collusion) was financially controlling in the way her father had been. Thus began a series of discussions about how to bring about more equal sharing in the marriage, a sign that Grace was fully aware, if not yet in control, of the dark side of Saturn that had struggled for so long to see the light. How this will finally come out depends on the two people involved, as these things always do. Transiting Pluto contacting Grace's Venus throughout 1996 and 1997 may bring the necessary reorientation of values around shared resources to resolve some of the financial dilemmas that have been so much a part of the themes sounded along her Saturnian journey.

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